So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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