Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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