It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
