Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
