roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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