is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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