I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
