After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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