maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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