i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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