take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
