you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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