I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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