Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
