I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
