..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
