I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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