you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
