It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
