My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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