I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
