I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
