i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
