My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize