He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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