he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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