i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You can't just leave with hair like that
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
