me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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