The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize