i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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