I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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