i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
