I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
