she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
