The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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