I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
