You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
