i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
