ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
