these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Actions speak louder than pants.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
