Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
