tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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