Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
