i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
