girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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