You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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