i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
