In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
