You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
