I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
