just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
