I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You took a bar mat shot.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
