I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
