I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
