you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
