I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
