I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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