you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
