R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
