you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
