She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I supernannyed him into submission
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
