I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
