Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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