When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
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This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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