My room smells like vodka and shame
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
