butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
