was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
