Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
