the condom got lost in my hair
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
